Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize