This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
