i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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