They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
