Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
