tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
