oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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