Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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