Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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