that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
