I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize