I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
