I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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