I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
