I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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