Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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