I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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