I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
