Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
