uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
