I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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