so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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