I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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