Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
