Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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