Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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