You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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