Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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