Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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