weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
