I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
