He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
