i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
