we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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