Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
