Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
