SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize