she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
