I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
