tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I party with great urgency now.
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