she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
