Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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