textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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