Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
