who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
