I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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