Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
