I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
