Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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