people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
