I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
