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My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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