God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize