Can i not drive my cunt home
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
