chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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