he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
