Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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