Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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