Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
