don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
