this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
