i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
