She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
