My first STD was from a foam party
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
