Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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