How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
