Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
