I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
