We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize