then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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