so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
