my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
