her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
