So drunk its hurt
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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