i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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