Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
