I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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