I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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