How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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