Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
