I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
